I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
