Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
