Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
