did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
