Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
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