when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
