Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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