any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
