Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
