Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize