careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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