Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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