Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
