How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
