I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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