Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
