we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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