Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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