i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
