My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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