all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
