u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
