Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
