I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
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