We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
