So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
