Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
i've created a new STD.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
