last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Randomize
