so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
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