Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
