I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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