I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
