Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
