No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
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