hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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