I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
