Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
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