Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
