Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
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