we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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