I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
