conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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