Whod you bang
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
