The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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