sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
