Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
