i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
