I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
