i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
