dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
