How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
