i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
