I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
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