So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
